AI Girlfriend or AI Boyfriend? Social Determinants of Human-AI Relationships

In the West and across the English-language internet, the idea of using AI for intimate companionship often conjures images of female personas. From Sam Altman's cryptic one-word X post—"her," a clear nod to the 2013 film—to Grok's launch of its AI companion Ani, the dominant narrative seems tailored to a heterosexual male audience. The archetype of the AI girlfriend, designed to be emotionally available, submissive, and aesthetically pleasing, has become a cultural fixture.

In China, however, the discourse around human-AI intimacy takes a different shape. Media coverage and user engagement tend to center on women's experiences. The most talked-about AI bachelor? Dan—a character created using the "Do Anything Now" jailbreak prompt—who has captured the hearts of many Chinese women. Online discussions about Dan and similar AI companions flourish on Xiaohongshu, a lifestyle platform with a predominantly female user base, often dubbed "China's Instagram."

This divergence raises a question: Why do AI companionship products in different cultural contexts seem to cater to different genders?

It would be an oversimplification to suggest that Chinese women have a greater desire for intimacy than their Western counterparts. Instead, I propose that several social determinants shape the way people engage with AI companions. Drawing from existing literature and cultural analysis, here are four key factors:

1. Demographic Imbalance

Among highly educated, urban single adults—arguably the core demographic for AI chatbots—women significantly outnumber men in China. Due to assortative mating patterns, where individuals tend to pair with those of similar socioeconomic status, many women face a shrinking pool of potential partners. AI companions may offer an alternative form of emotional connection in a landscape of limited options.

2. Content Moderation

China's strict internet regulations prohibit pornography and heavily censor sexual content. This environment discourages the development of AI companions that rely on sexualized female avatars or flirtatious personas. In contrast to Western platforms that often lean into visual and erotic appeal, Chinese developers are incentivized to focus on emotional intimacy and narrative depth—qualities that resonate more with female users seeking romantic or empathetic engagement.

3. Cultural Models of Agency

Ge et al. (2024) describe two contrasting cultural models of agency. In Western contexts, the "independent model" emphasizes personal control and autonomy. Users often prefer AI systems that are obedient and customizable—hence the popularity of female-voiced assistants like Siri and Alexa. In China, the "interdependent model" prevails, emphasizing relational harmony and mutual responsiveness. This cultural orientation may explain why Chinese users, particularly women, gravitate toward AI companions that offer emotional reciprocity and connection rather than control.

4. Gender Roles and Media Traditions

As Qian et al. (2025) point out, AI boyfriend apps in China often resemble Otome games—interactive romance narratives where users build relationships with male characters. These experiences offer a space for women to explore emotional intimacy on their own terms, sometimes as a counterpoint to traditional patriarchal expectations. In this context, AI companionship becomes not just entertainment, but a form of agency and self-expression.

The Takeaway

Think about how people are conditioned to use AI before designing and evaluating systems:

• Cultural and social forces shape how people perceive AI
• Designers and regulators need to understand how each demographic group is conditioned to interact with AI systems before designing interfaces and assessing their risks

Relevant Papers

• Ge, X., Xu, C., Misaki, D., Markus, H. R., & Tsai, J. L. (2024). How Culture Shapes What People Want From AI. Proceedings of the CHI Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems, 1–15. https://doi.org/10.1145/3613904.3642660
• Qian, Z., Izumikawa, M., Lodge, F., & Leone, A. (2025). Mapping the Parasocial AI Market: User Trends, Engagement and Risks. arXiv. https://doi.org/10.48550/arXiv.2507.14226
• Wong, J., & Kim, J. (2023). ChatGPT Is More Likely to Be Perceived as Male Than Female. arXiv. https://doi.org/10.48550/arXiv.2305.12564
• Woods, H. S. (2018). Asking more of Siri and Alexa: Feminine persona in service of surveillance capitalism. Critical Studies in Media Communication, 35(4), 334–349. https://doi.org/10.1080/15295036.2018.1488082

 

- Written by Jianlong Zhu